Exchange of views could escalate into all-out conflict, or to remain a constructive dialogue. What does it depend? Explains the therapist and sexologist Catherine Solano (Catherine Solano). What is the correct conflict?
This conflict, which allows you to find a solution acceptable to both parties, and not to accumulate mutual resentment. When everyone has the opportunity to speak, without trying to injure another, and after ascertaining the relationship feels relieved. Conversely, an argument can be considered disruptive if the result of one of the disputants feels humiliated, depressed and generally begins to doubt his love ... How to find out a constructive relationship?
Avoid generalizations
It is better to say: "You forgot to go to the store" than: "You never keep their promises. The concrete fact is difficult to deny, but to correct the situation easier.
Hearing the unspoken reproaches for the needs of
He is offended that you do not give him a job sandwiches? Do not rashly call him an exploiter and a retrograde, try to understand why it is so important to him. Perhaps he sees this gesture as proof of your love? In this case, nothing prevents you reply: "I understand you, but I am not with a second free." To reduce stress, sometimes simply to recognize someone else's desire or need, even if they are not met.
Suggest a compromise
Instead of all costs to prove their point of view or to press charges, remember that you are partners, not adversaries. "Okay, you can not return every evening at seven o'clock, to sit with the child, then let's think of something that I had more free time."
Deter aggression
Anger - is emotion. Aggression, physical or verbal - use this emotion with which to attack or injure. You can not deny yourself to feel anger, but we are responsible for actions that do under its influence. If you are peculiar bouts of destructive rage, go for a walk until you calm down and not be able to discuss things properly.
If your partner feels offended and lost, then it's on your fights hurt. In this case, do not hesitate to say: "I am ashamed that I called you a rag, in fact I do not think so." It is important to show that your relationship is more important than being right or a mistake. How to settle the conflict?
Play on the surprise effect
Nobody forces us to respond to aggression aggression. You can reduce everything to a joke (an insulting irony in this case it is better to avoid) or disarm partner unexpected reaction: "I so love it when you frown."
Deviate
He gets angry at any trifles? Perhaps he was taken out of equilibrium in trouble at work. In this case, it would be very grateful if you understand it without words and say something like: "I think you're not in the spirit, tell me: what have you been?" How to stop the constant bickering?
If you have the impression that you are only doing that quarrel, try to balance the reproaches of praise. Couples tend to discuss only the problem. Do not be lazy identify words and what you like, both in detail and globally. "It is so nice to kiss you when you shaved," Thank you, that put it in the room ", etc. How to find the words
To make "all that is in the heart", without causing a companion rejection reactions, a psychologist Marshall Rosenberg (author of The Language of Life. Nonviolent Communication ") proposes to use the process of non-aggressive communication.
He is to describe:
* Action that we observe;
* Emotions that these actions in us;
* Needs to hide those emotions;
* Specific actions that we expect.
Here's how it should sound: "When I see your socks scattered, it annoys me, because I can not live in a mess. Can you remove them? "According to Catherine Solano, this technique allows both should consider what you want to say, instead of just throw out your anger. Perhaps in the heat of the argument it is not immediately able to apply, but practice, you will succeed.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sex Code educated girl
Each girl for itself determines that it is a "Code of Honor", but there are all the same and correct decisions.
1. We do not come to meet with you in time.
To you have not had the false impression that I am for this meeting, even slightly seriously. It must be the same torment you!
2. We do not kiss with you on a first date.
Although, it would seem, what's the difference: the first, second, fifty-fifth, not in mathematics because happiness.
3. We do not tell about what we have dyed hair, contact lenses, veneers on the teeth or silicone implants in the breast.
And certainly not going to discuss in detail with you these interesting facts. Noticed? Guessed? Correct total will be, if you save the results of these research findings with you. Professional magicians, you know, too, can not stand when the secrets of their tricks are the property of the general public.
4. We do not sleep with you on the second interview.
It's not that I reread my childhood fairy tales, in which all the most interesting thing is happening on the third night - there Via cause ... But I must, first, to make you my podobivatsya, and secondly, how do you otherwise guess that I am a girl with strong moral principles?
5. We do not let us call your house for the first time without any reason, even the most trifling.
Create anything, offer drink unique, exquisite tea varieties "Lipton" tea bags. Соблазни proposal to give the game to read tutorial on the bagpipes. Ask for help to move the refrigerator. I need a excuse for a conscience.
6. We are not ringing you earlier than three days after the meeting.
In theory, you animal, of course, had to call himself. The same night! In the extreme case, the next day ... and in an amicable way, I do not worthwhile in this case, to defile my manicure need to dial your number ... Because it is completely unclear, why do not you call. There are three variants:
a) you die;
b) I'm not like (better if you died);
c) you are shy, because you're shy and not confident.
Here are counting on the option "to" I'll call, but not earlier than 72 hours after our meeting - I'll sit on the phone with a stopwatch, but did not disgrace themselves premature ringing
7. We are not saying that you have a small penis.
At least until such time as we still look forward to continued relations. From our point of view, this recognition - it is the last frontier, the use of nuclear button - the last blast before the end of the world. In an extreme case, we can give you something like, "Well ... it is not very big, but such a wonderful !!!».
8. We do not recognize that we can watch the picture seen with naked men
Because men are only interested in my soul. Do not you know? I did, after all, not such a primitive organism, like some.
9. We never say "Darling, I'm not going with you today.
Because I do not look forward to continuing the banquet, and put your favorite old pants with yellow ducklings. In addition, hair removal in the bikini area, I now also leaves much to be desired. I better napletu you some nonsense about the fact that today I decided to better understand our feelings with you.
10. We're not going to have sex without a word.
You want the truth? Two times in my life, talking to a man, in fact, experienced an irrepressible need to scream, moan and whine. This man was my dentist. In all other cases, I could calmly and not utter a word, even experiencing ten orgasms in a row, but you have me as something you cheer! Well, in general - the more in the bedroom sounds of passion, the exciting sex, but from you unless dozhdeshsya correct sound effects? Everything comes very
11. We do not tolerate, when you take away our shorts, letting them dangle on one leg.
Just a feeling that you have not treated me tenderly. And you are only interested in one part of my body (even though I know exactly what you're interested in at least three ... no ... even four).
12. We will not twice engaged in oral sex with you <
Are you paralyzed patient, and I'm the nurse, in all other cases, the charity is not working, so I do not aspire to be good to people.
13. We do not allow you to dig in the box with our laundry.
And you would have liked it if I opened the hood of the car and began to excitedly run up there at random a large spanner?
14. We are not going to have sex, if you are at this moment going to watch porn.
Bring you in this moment I should, but not that unpleasant Swedish woman. You at least pretended to be looking at me! And anyway, you have now neck will be curtailed, if you do not immediately stop there staring - Come on, give me the remote!
15. We are very disgusting to ask your den
We prefer to abstract talk about how vile government again raise prices on cocktail dresses and artificial nails. And then hope for the speed of your intellect.
1. We do not come to meet with you in time.
To you have not had the false impression that I am for this meeting, even slightly seriously. It must be the same torment you!
2. We do not kiss with you on a first date.
Although, it would seem, what's the difference: the first, second, fifty-fifth, not in mathematics because happiness.
3. We do not tell about what we have dyed hair, contact lenses, veneers on the teeth or silicone implants in the breast.
And certainly not going to discuss in detail with you these interesting facts. Noticed? Guessed? Correct total will be, if you save the results of these research findings with you. Professional magicians, you know, too, can not stand when the secrets of their tricks are the property of the general public.
4. We do not sleep with you on the second interview.
It's not that I reread my childhood fairy tales, in which all the most interesting thing is happening on the third night - there Via cause ... But I must, first, to make you my podobivatsya, and secondly, how do you otherwise guess that I am a girl with strong moral principles?
5. We do not let us call your house for the first time without any reason, even the most trifling.
Create anything, offer drink unique, exquisite tea varieties "Lipton" tea bags. Соблазни proposal to give the game to read tutorial on the bagpipes. Ask for help to move the refrigerator. I need a excuse for a conscience.
6. We are not ringing you earlier than three days after the meeting.
In theory, you animal, of course, had to call himself. The same night! In the extreme case, the next day ... and in an amicable way, I do not worthwhile in this case, to defile my manicure need to dial your number ... Because it is completely unclear, why do not you call. There are three variants:
a) you die;
b) I'm not like (better if you died);
c) you are shy, because you're shy and not confident.
Here are counting on the option "to" I'll call, but not earlier than 72 hours after our meeting - I'll sit on the phone with a stopwatch, but did not disgrace themselves premature ringing
7. We are not saying that you have a small penis.
At least until such time as we still look forward to continued relations. From our point of view, this recognition - it is the last frontier, the use of nuclear button - the last blast before the end of the world. In an extreme case, we can give you something like, "Well ... it is not very big, but such a wonderful !!!».
8. We do not recognize that we can watch the picture seen with naked men
Because men are only interested in my soul. Do not you know? I did, after all, not such a primitive organism, like some.
9. We never say "Darling, I'm not going with you today.
Because I do not look forward to continuing the banquet, and put your favorite old pants with yellow ducklings. In addition, hair removal in the bikini area, I now also leaves much to be desired. I better napletu you some nonsense about the fact that today I decided to better understand our feelings with you.
10. We're not going to have sex without a word.
You want the truth? Two times in my life, talking to a man, in fact, experienced an irrepressible need to scream, moan and whine. This man was my dentist. In all other cases, I could calmly and not utter a word, even experiencing ten orgasms in a row, but you have me as something you cheer! Well, in general - the more in the bedroom sounds of passion, the exciting sex, but from you unless dozhdeshsya correct sound effects? Everything comes very
11. We do not tolerate, when you take away our shorts, letting them dangle on one leg.
Just a feeling that you have not treated me tenderly. And you are only interested in one part of my body (even though I know exactly what you're interested in at least three ... no ... even four).
12. We will not twice engaged in oral sex with you <
Are you paralyzed patient, and I'm the nurse, in all other cases, the charity is not working, so I do not aspire to be good to people.
13. We do not allow you to dig in the box with our laundry.
And you would have liked it if I opened the hood of the car and began to excitedly run up there at random a large spanner?
14. We are not going to have sex, if you are at this moment going to watch porn.
Bring you in this moment I should, but not that unpleasant Swedish woman. You at least pretended to be looking at me! And anyway, you have now neck will be curtailed, if you do not immediately stop there staring - Come on, give me the remote!
15. We are very disgusting to ask your den
We prefer to abstract talk about how vile government again raise prices on cocktail dresses and artificial nails. And then hope for the speed of your intellect.
What is love or types of love
To begin with, of course, need to understand, but what is love. Until now, scientists do not know which organ in the human body responsible for the emergence of this feeling. Some of them believe that love - a kind of mental disorder. Others say that the ability to love - a special gift, talent. And he was not given to everyone.
And there is an interesting point: the person may experience a feeling of not more than three times over a lifetime. But love - plenty. What's the difference? Love - a bright, passionate feeling, but it lasts no more than three weeks. But then either evaporates, though nothing had happened, or transfer of ownership in love. Then about 7 - 9 months lasting phase of passionate love. This period, say the psychologists, accompanied by autonomic disorders, sleep disorders, but three times increase in the number of immune bodies in the blood, so in love rarely get sick, they easily cured neuroses, phobias, scars and sores, even temporarily, is a mild form of diabetes.
Then comes a crisis, when the lovers begin to quarrel violently sort things out. And if they are still happily bypassed this period, the phase of "love-passion" goes into "love-friendship". This is a relatively quiet period, which can last up to three years until the next crisis comes.
If you are in love, and through him, the next stage - the "love-intimacy, which is dominated by tenderness and care. And it can last until the end of life.
And now - promises brighter scenario more sense.
Eyes on the parents!
This is one of the most common scenarios. The people have long noticed that the girls marry guys in many ways similar to their (girls) their fathers. And guys choose the girl, reminiscent of his mother. It's simple: a child's mother and father are for the child samples, respectively, women and men. And when children grow up, it triggered effect from prison to a certain type of appearance and character.
The trap lies in the fact that a man falls in love is not an exact copy of its parent, but only like him as a one. Proved that we remember the bad much longer. And sometimes it turns out this paradox: the love of man does not arise for his dignity, and for shortcomings.
The relationship of family scenario is constantly evolving with caution: "But as it was the parents?" Such an alliance could be a long and harmonious, if: 1) both were full of loving and harmonious family, 2) their parents are somewhat similar to each other.
Example: the couple Catherine and Alexander Strizhenova, whose families were from the same social environment (people in the arts), and both went in the footsteps of parents, thus trying to replicate their way of life.
If these two points do not match, then the relationship lasts from three months to a year.
By the way, if a child is raised in an incomplete family, and he has not formed an idea of what a family, then it will be difficult to build long-term relationships: no one to learn from experience, as it will have to learn this from scratch.
Adrenal passion
The relationship of this scenario is similar to riding a roller coaster. They start abruptly, with a glance. However, it is preceded by one important point: before the fateful meeting in the blood should also be dramatically adrenaline rush. Reason - sports load, fear, an impressive film. And then there are strong feelings at the expense of one-two. So girls everywhere fall in love with the heroes, saving them from bullies, and athletes after training - into the first beauties. Incidentally, in this scenario, the most important role played by physical attractiveness. Biologically, we strive to continue the species with the most attractive special plus again a stereotype drawn from the movie: beautiful = good.
At adrenalin scenario does not apply the rule of crisis. It has its cycles. The first phase - mutual interest and careful study of each other, accompanied by passion. When the senses begin to fade, one of the pair tries to recover ... with adrenaline. So subconsciously begins to act so as to cause a splash of hormones in the blood. And the easiest way - a quarrel. After that - rough sex. And a brief respite. Most adrenal relationship lasts from six months to two years maximum. Although both men later recall with nostalgia that "passionate" and sometimes even go to a meeting, trying to repeat what happened. But the return is nothing is impossible, since in principle, and return there was nothing. Such relations were Alexander Domogarova with Natalia Gromushkinoy.
I like you instead of the Pope
It is preferred partner is much older - at 15 - 30 years, which is more common in women. Moreover, this phenomenon has three quite different reasons:
You were late child and childhood have seen in the role of parents is very mature people. This case, in essence, is your family scenario.
Either the family was incomplete or missing child more attention to the parent of the opposite sex. Women in this case are attracted to men older than themselves, and men are looking for a woman stronger and wiser than themselves.
In the adult man says hurt the child, who was dissatisfied with his father or mother, and now subconsciously chooses the man who would be his taste.
In these respects, the senior or more powerful by nature always plays a role in half of the father or mother. It, in turn, can talk vospitatelsky unrealized potential. Then such a relationship lasts long enough. Psychoanalysts would argue that it is one of the most stable scenario of family life. But there are pitfalls: once the child grows out of "baby" of psychology and starts looking for his equal partner, as happened in the family of singer Jasmine. A positive example of this scenario - the family Oleg Tabakov and Marina Zudin.
Second half
This is a rare way to build relationships, but the most reliable. And essentially passive. When we are actively looking for a pair, then act in a certain sense, as buyers in the market. And in this scenario, the partner himself finds us. Second half - is someone who matches you on the character, temperament, is close to you on work, to life. Yes, it's the conventional wisdom. It's easier to believe in a beautiful fairy tale about the fact that opposites attract. But according to psychologists, or one pair of prevailing on the principle of opposites, not overcome the barrier and three relations. Judge for yourself, as you may understand each other's quiet and introverted, homebody ekstravertka, loving, boisterous company. Get on people who in many respects similar, and even in something complementary. Then they become a single organism, which is easily going through crises of love and becomes the standard relations for the children and grandchildren.
Many people hard to find your other half, only for one reason: they know themselves well enough. See happiness can only person mentally mature, harmonious, to understand himself. For only by knowing yourself, you can see reflected in the other person.
These relationships can be found on honesty, trust and absolute psychological proximity to people. A vivid illustration of this type of relationship are a pair, formed from the old guard of actors: Gaft - Ostroumova, Karachentsov - Porgina.
Prince and Princess
Here people are trying to build relationships, as a rule, after one unsuccessful attempt, traumatic experiences. That was when the debate begins over on "The man must have", "a woman should be" ... In the course of going all the stereotypes about the so-called "real" man / woman and images from the movies.
Problems of this scenario lie on the surface, as in dreams connected unconnected.
Men want a woman with three higher education, but at the same time wise enough to look a little foolish himself, who can cook fantastic, relaxed in bed, but it is desirable to keep for him innocent, successful and thesis writing, and cans of tomatoes spinning.
The women get no less than fantastic image: athletic, attentive, romantic, with the ability to earn a lot and understand a woman with half a word, to sing, dance, know what's hot, but not be metrosexuals, and be able to hammer a nail, make a bed and parquet polpinka prove the theorem of Poincare.
Search stereotypical partner - not an easy exercise. And really what percentage of defective imitations! In the end, can be found some alternative, but it certainly needs some work. For this reason, relations with programmed partner, as a rule, do not pass through a "crisis of one year." Unless you suddenly realize that life is not to be invented, but with a real person.
By the way, the constant search for the ideal partner is typical for people gifted. But in their case, this process looks a little different: they create an image of a loved one, as a separate piece of art, and then only look for his real incarnation, to see him live. And if you are suddenly, the first time experiencing an acute sense of love. Yet come up with some other ideal. An example embodiment of this scenario may be a chain of romances and marriages composer Maxim Dunaevskogo.
RAPID TEST
Your Union is strong, if:
... you to enjoy together. Do you have a "personal bank" co-invented jokes that only you understand, and he constantly replenished;
... even if sex and rare, still a regular and memorable;
... you are on one level, discussing household affairs. Instead of choosing the color of curtains, wallpaper, and picture a place where there should be a bed. And both are involved in general cleaning;
... you are interested in work and training each other. You are sharing news and gossip about coworkers, even if you do not know;
... you regularly speak to each other that happy, and this is true.
And there is an interesting point: the person may experience a feeling of not more than three times over a lifetime. But love - plenty. What's the difference? Love - a bright, passionate feeling, but it lasts no more than three weeks. But then either evaporates, though nothing had happened, or transfer of ownership in love. Then about 7 - 9 months lasting phase of passionate love. This period, say the psychologists, accompanied by autonomic disorders, sleep disorders, but three times increase in the number of immune bodies in the blood, so in love rarely get sick, they easily cured neuroses, phobias, scars and sores, even temporarily, is a mild form of diabetes.
Then comes a crisis, when the lovers begin to quarrel violently sort things out. And if they are still happily bypassed this period, the phase of "love-passion" goes into "love-friendship". This is a relatively quiet period, which can last up to three years until the next crisis comes.
If you are in love, and through him, the next stage - the "love-intimacy, which is dominated by tenderness and care. And it can last until the end of life.
And now - promises brighter scenario more sense.
Eyes on the parents!
This is one of the most common scenarios. The people have long noticed that the girls marry guys in many ways similar to their (girls) their fathers. And guys choose the girl, reminiscent of his mother. It's simple: a child's mother and father are for the child samples, respectively, women and men. And when children grow up, it triggered effect from prison to a certain type of appearance and character.
The trap lies in the fact that a man falls in love is not an exact copy of its parent, but only like him as a one. Proved that we remember the bad much longer. And sometimes it turns out this paradox: the love of man does not arise for his dignity, and for shortcomings.
The relationship of family scenario is constantly evolving with caution: "But as it was the parents?" Such an alliance could be a long and harmonious, if: 1) both were full of loving and harmonious family, 2) their parents are somewhat similar to each other.
Example: the couple Catherine and Alexander Strizhenova, whose families were from the same social environment (people in the arts), and both went in the footsteps of parents, thus trying to replicate their way of life.
If these two points do not match, then the relationship lasts from three months to a year.
By the way, if a child is raised in an incomplete family, and he has not formed an idea of what a family, then it will be difficult to build long-term relationships: no one to learn from experience, as it will have to learn this from scratch.
Adrenal passion
The relationship of this scenario is similar to riding a roller coaster. They start abruptly, with a glance. However, it is preceded by one important point: before the fateful meeting in the blood should also be dramatically adrenaline rush. Reason - sports load, fear, an impressive film. And then there are strong feelings at the expense of one-two. So girls everywhere fall in love with the heroes, saving them from bullies, and athletes after training - into the first beauties. Incidentally, in this scenario, the most important role played by physical attractiveness. Biologically, we strive to continue the species with the most attractive special plus again a stereotype drawn from the movie: beautiful = good.
At adrenalin scenario does not apply the rule of crisis. It has its cycles. The first phase - mutual interest and careful study of each other, accompanied by passion. When the senses begin to fade, one of the pair tries to recover ... with adrenaline. So subconsciously begins to act so as to cause a splash of hormones in the blood. And the easiest way - a quarrel. After that - rough sex. And a brief respite. Most adrenal relationship lasts from six months to two years maximum. Although both men later recall with nostalgia that "passionate" and sometimes even go to a meeting, trying to repeat what happened. But the return is nothing is impossible, since in principle, and return there was nothing. Such relations were Alexander Domogarova with Natalia Gromushkinoy.
I like you instead of the Pope
It is preferred partner is much older - at 15 - 30 years, which is more common in women. Moreover, this phenomenon has three quite different reasons:
You were late child and childhood have seen in the role of parents is very mature people. This case, in essence, is your family scenario.
Either the family was incomplete or missing child more attention to the parent of the opposite sex. Women in this case are attracted to men older than themselves, and men are looking for a woman stronger and wiser than themselves.
In the adult man says hurt the child, who was dissatisfied with his father or mother, and now subconsciously chooses the man who would be his taste.
In these respects, the senior or more powerful by nature always plays a role in half of the father or mother. It, in turn, can talk vospitatelsky unrealized potential. Then such a relationship lasts long enough. Psychoanalysts would argue that it is one of the most stable scenario of family life. But there are pitfalls: once the child grows out of "baby" of psychology and starts looking for his equal partner, as happened in the family of singer Jasmine. A positive example of this scenario - the family Oleg Tabakov and Marina Zudin.
Second half
This is a rare way to build relationships, but the most reliable. And essentially passive. When we are actively looking for a pair, then act in a certain sense, as buyers in the market. And in this scenario, the partner himself finds us. Second half - is someone who matches you on the character, temperament, is close to you on work, to life. Yes, it's the conventional wisdom. It's easier to believe in a beautiful fairy tale about the fact that opposites attract. But according to psychologists, or one pair of prevailing on the principle of opposites, not overcome the barrier and three relations. Judge for yourself, as you may understand each other's quiet and introverted, homebody ekstravertka, loving, boisterous company. Get on people who in many respects similar, and even in something complementary. Then they become a single organism, which is easily going through crises of love and becomes the standard relations for the children and grandchildren.
Many people hard to find your other half, only for one reason: they know themselves well enough. See happiness can only person mentally mature, harmonious, to understand himself. For only by knowing yourself, you can see reflected in the other person.
These relationships can be found on honesty, trust and absolute psychological proximity to people. A vivid illustration of this type of relationship are a pair, formed from the old guard of actors: Gaft - Ostroumova, Karachentsov - Porgina.
Prince and Princess
Here people are trying to build relationships, as a rule, after one unsuccessful attempt, traumatic experiences. That was when the debate begins over on "The man must have", "a woman should be" ... In the course of going all the stereotypes about the so-called "real" man / woman and images from the movies.
Problems of this scenario lie on the surface, as in dreams connected unconnected.
Men want a woman with three higher education, but at the same time wise enough to look a little foolish himself, who can cook fantastic, relaxed in bed, but it is desirable to keep for him innocent, successful and thesis writing, and cans of tomatoes spinning.
The women get no less than fantastic image: athletic, attentive, romantic, with the ability to earn a lot and understand a woman with half a word, to sing, dance, know what's hot, but not be metrosexuals, and be able to hammer a nail, make a bed and parquet polpinka prove the theorem of Poincare.
Search stereotypical partner - not an easy exercise. And really what percentage of defective imitations! In the end, can be found some alternative, but it certainly needs some work. For this reason, relations with programmed partner, as a rule, do not pass through a "crisis of one year." Unless you suddenly realize that life is not to be invented, but with a real person.
By the way, the constant search for the ideal partner is typical for people gifted. But in their case, this process looks a little different: they create an image of a loved one, as a separate piece of art, and then only look for his real incarnation, to see him live. And if you are suddenly, the first time experiencing an acute sense of love. Yet come up with some other ideal. An example embodiment of this scenario may be a chain of romances and marriages composer Maxim Dunaevskogo.
RAPID TEST
Your Union is strong, if:
... you to enjoy together. Do you have a "personal bank" co-invented jokes that only you understand, and he constantly replenished;
... even if sex and rare, still a regular and memorable;
... you are on one level, discussing household affairs. Instead of choosing the color of curtains, wallpaper, and picture a place where there should be a bed. And both are involved in general cleaning;
... you are interested in work and training each other. You are sharing news and gossip about coworkers, even if you do not know;
... you regularly speak to each other that happy, and this is true.
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